Small legs, inner voices and the point of it all.

I have a big run coming up. A very big run. It’s the Auckland half marathon.

I’m not going to pussy foot around here, I’m terrified. Completely terrified.

In six weeks I have to run 21.1ks, and I’m pretty sure I can’t do it. I know everyone says to keep positive, but I’m not one of those crazy people who can just do stuff like this. I was never the athletic kid at school. Hell, I barely moved. Have you seen the length of my legs? (I am aware that you probably haven’t – let me tell you this, they are small.) I’m pretty sure me running a half marathon, is the same effort as an average heighted guy running the full shebang. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Anyway, I am petrified. Because six weeks is really not long at all to get myself to the point that I want to be to do this race.

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And that point? I want to be able to run the entire thing, and I want to do it in 2 hours and 30 minutes, or under. Preferably quite a lot less than 2 hours 30 minutes, but I am trying to keep my goals achievable (and my legs still attached to my body).

I’ve told myself the only way I would be able to mentally (let alone physically) do this challenge is if I run the entire 21.1k distance before hand. (Like a couple of weeks before hand, not like just before, that’s called a full marathon. That’s a different challenge, for a different day. A day so, so far in the future that it’s a teeny tiny dot.) I know plenty of people say that as long as you can run 16k you can run a half marathon because the rest of the kilometers on the day come from adrenaline – well screw those people. When the little voice inside my head starts freaking the hell out come race day, the only way I can possibly think to calm it down, is to say “you CAN do this, because you HAVE done this.” And even then, I am pretty sure it will still be screaming bloody Mary.

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On the weekend I ran 18k. (Except I swear that sounds too far, I kept checking my watch and my paranoid head thought that it may have been reading something wrong. Imagine that! Doing all this training and gearing up only to find that when you thought you had run 18k you had actually run 9 and your GPS watch was being a dick.) On that 18k I stopped, I stopped for water breaks, leg stretches and a couple of times I stopped because I had to talk to myself (yes, in public) and literally will my legs to keep moving. So I don’t even know, with all the stopping, if it counts as a full run! But the real kicker with this run? It was on the flat. Like complete flat, and the first thing anyone has said to me about the Auckland Marathon is “oh, have you been doing hill training? Because you need to”, WELL NO I HAVEN’T BUT THANKS FOR ADDING MORE UNDERLINES TO THE WORDS FREAK OUT THAT ARE FLASHING IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW.

So, in the next six weeks I have to get out there and run hills, and I have to run longer and I have to run faster and I have to just keep going.

I’m not sure, but I think I might be a bit nervous. Maybe even freaking out a little?

Fuck.

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All images from Pinterest

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